Should i be threatened by his ex

Retroactive jealousy is obsessive , compulsive and ruinous. It means delving through the entire backlog of posts, comments and photos of them together online, constantly comparing yourself with the ex and incessantly questioning your partner about every element of their relationship. It's a pretty shameful thing to admit to, so it's unsurprising that those we spoke to about the phenomenon wanted to remain anonymous. Ahead, five women share their experiences of retroactive jealousy.

Big crowd, open bar, good music and art! Self-esteem issues are often at the core of most feelings of jealousy. Is it hard for you to watch them talk in person? If you and your partner run into his ex on the street, do you immediately wrap your arm around him possessively?

Find ways to take time to focus on your own life and work on building your self-worth, confidence, and a positive self-image. Is this absorption with their past obscuring some other issue? Do you feel angry on their behalf for how their ex treated them? If there are children involved, is it hard for you to win their trust, or even get along with them?

If you find out that your partner met up with their ex secretly — even just for coffee — it should set off warning bells. Sneaking around typically points to something nefarious, like a desire to cheat, and gives off icky vibes that have no place in a healthy relationship. Lying indicates there is something to hide even if there isn't, Wang says.

And that can jeopardize trust. While it's obviously fine for your partner to have one-on-one time with friends — including friends who are exes — if they refuse to include you, it may be time to ask questions.

Is it possible for you to go out as a group next time? Ask and see what they say. You have a right to speak up if you feel uncomfortable, left out, or worried that something might happen behind your back. And you shouldn't have to live with that kind of stress.

Friends reach out to each other when they're upset in order to get support. Any suggestions? I miss you and think of you often. Write down five things you can change — big, tiny, previously ruled out. Start the to-do list of the person you want to be.